Tag Archives: travel

Travel; Mental Health Hurdles

This year my Grandma turned 80 years old, and to celebrate my family wants to host a camping trip in her honor. The reality of the situation though is that traveling anywhere (whether it is just heading downtown, upstate, across country, or across the globe) while living with a mental illness involves taking a bit more into consideration than the “where” and “when”.

Things got panicky last week when some crossed communication left me under the belief that my boyfriend and I would not be able to bring our own vehicle to the camp because of it’s affiliation with the military.

For anyone else, carpooling seems like the obvious answer, right? Well for me, living with bipolar disorder means knowing my triggers, and anytime I start to feel trapped in a strange place without an exit strategy (oh, say, like on a beautifully landscaped but guarded-by-armed-men sort of military recreation site – I have no affiliation with the military personally) I melt down. And I mean total manic/psychotic, you’ll-find-me-in-the-woods-later melt down. It is almost like a guarantee, and knowing myself well enough to know this would be an issue (after kicking countless ‘vacation’ situations in the balls while psychotic and trying to escape) left me in a bit of an odd position.

Of course, it isn’t unusual for me to try to push myself through things like this. Tell myself, “well, those other times are a fluke, and you will be totally fine this time.” I start to feel like I am making a big deal over nothing, and when friends or family who don’t have to make these kinds of considerations for themselves agree, I have a bad habit of walking into the same situation over and over again and reacting poorly on ‘repeat’.

Last week’s situation was a little more special because I went in to see both my therapist and my psychiatrist, and both immediately sided with the rational, more cautious part of me.

“Absolutely not,” they both said. “You’ve been triggered this way several times before, and you know that walking into a situation like this will be more of a strain than you are likely to handle.”

Keep in mind, my situation is really pretty singular in that my symptoms are not regulated by medication. My symptoms of bipolar disorder and anxiety are treatment resistant (they have not responded to any medications), so I am largely in a position to have to cope with them on my own. That is another big reason why it is important that I am familiar with my own triggers, because knowing what could put me in a dangerous position and either preparing myself for the outcome or avoiding the situation altogether are the best strategies I have for dealing with my symptoms on a regular basis.

I have found one of the biggest strategies that helps me when traveling or heading into a potentially stressful situation is knowing I can leave at any time. If I have an exit strategy, if I can leave the stressful environment before my irritability or mania becomes psychosis things are much more likely to go smoothly.

Even though my therapist and psychiatrist both agreed this trip would be detrimental for me, I couldn’t help but feel bad about needing to cancel. I mean, my granny is 80, and you can believe she has been talking about this for a month already.

The final decision I made was to go back and double check the policy that would keep me from having my escape route. I scoured websites and even eventually called the navy to help clarify their policies on bringing in civilian vehicles to their recreational sites. And -wouldn’t you know it? The entire situation was a communication error. We should be able to bring a vehicle to the site without a problem (so long as we have the proper documentation, yada yada yada).

Ultimately, the problem is no problem at all, but I am proud of myself for taking the steps I did (talking with my boyfriend, my therapist, my psychiatrist, and looking for a solution) before responding emotionally or making a final decision about going, or not, to this event.

Sometimes living with my current mental health situation can feel like I have to live in a small bubble to survive, and while the bubble feels safe it also shields me from many of the life experiences I want to have. That bubble doesn’t guarantee I wont become depressed, or manic, or psychotic, so I don’t feel like forgoing all manner of travel and personal growth that comes with it should be kept from me because doing so does not mean I will be able to live peacefully. I will have bipolar and anxiety outside the bubble, but I have it inside the bubble as well. For me, the trick is knowing what my absolute deal breakers are (like transportation) to keep me from moving from a “moody” travel situation to an emergency travel situation.

Of course, there is a lot that goes into it beyond that to prepare, things like

  • having my doctor’s information handy and with me at all times
  • bringing all medications, and extra in case of emergencies
  • making sure I will be in a position where I can eat regularly
  • making sure I will be in a position to have the best chance of sleeping fairly regularly
  • using coping skills to help counteract instabilities
  • maintaining an awareness of my current state
  • informing my fellow travelers how to best help in an emergency situation
  • and knowing when to pull the plug on the trip

to name a few.

Even though I have gotten over the transportation hurdle regarding this short trip, it is still a few months away. I have plenty of time to worry (heh) as more things come up, but I hope to smooth over as many of the rough edges as I can before I get there.

Pet Separation Anxiety

Luna, A Seattle Pup

Luna, A Seattle Pup

I’m sure it is no surprise to hear that having a pet cat or dog can help decrease anxiety and depression in most patients, and for the most part I find that having Luna in my life has helped my anxiety and helps me take care of myself better when depressed.

Spending so much time with my funny little dog friend has not come without its drawbacks though. After all, the folks I care about most are the ones I tend to have anxiety about… and Luna is no exception.

I was very excited to find out that this week Corey and his friends had set up a trip for the two of us to Florida to help celebrate our anniversary. We’ll be gone for roughly five days, that’s a time period five times longer than any we’ve ever left Luna in the care of someone else before.

I know that the issue here is not who will be taking care of her, how good a job they’ll be doing, or even really the state of her own health while we’re gone. I feel confident in all of those things, the area I don’t feel confident in is myself.

Even though Luna gets kind of bummed out when I’m not around, that isn’t much compared with the anxiety I feel (and the horrible conclusions my own brain jumps to) when I am away from her for too long. I find myself in a constant state of panic and total disbelief that she might be ok, curled up in a ball, sleeping on the couch.

This is not uncommon for me. These are the same feelings I have when Corey is away from me for more than 12 hours, and the difference is that I can’t exactly text Luna. Having to simply believe she is fine is very difficult for me… where, for some reason, believing she has burned down the house seems much more likely.

I know there must be some way we can meet in the middle, both me keeping as stiff an upper lip as I can (heh) and maybe working out some kind of daily update from our petsitting friends (something I generally require from Corey when he is away as well). All in all, this issue wont keep me from having a good time in Florida, but it is one more thing I wish I wasn’t worrying about! I just have to keep reminding myself that things will be fine, and I will enjoy myself much more if I can let this go.