Tapped Out

This week I went to not one, but two family reunions back to back (with a total of 12 hours spent in the car between the two days). At this point I will take the fact that I didn’t have any major meltdowns as a huge sign of success, I used the crap out of my DBT skills to remain on a fairly even keel the whole time.

Had I gone to only one event I think the aftermath would have been less jarring, but since I, an erratic and sensitive introvert, essentially spent two FULL days around large groups of people I felt quite a lot like I had been hit by a truck on Monday and could do little more than lay around in a grouchy state of exaustion. Moods have been touchy since then, I have definitely been crying more than usual, but I’m doing my best to manage while things even back out.

So I’m getting better at this, but as I’ve been saying the past six months taking it slow is still a big priority for me with these things. Unfortunately when sick grandparents come into play, taking things slow tends to get put on the back burner.

To some extent I feel like I am in a place where I can plan for social situations so I am having less issues with them, but at the same time there is a natural sort of suction that happens around people where my life force appears to be depleted simply by being in the same room. I’ve always just chalked that up to being an introvert, but it would be nice if there were some kind of anti-soul-suction suit I could purchase for these outings (like a diving suit?)  to keep me in the social waters longer without being completely tapped out.

At any rate, I’m still working toward un-exhaustion so this week’s post is short. I just wanted to mention some good news in that the T3 (thyroid hormone) medication Cytomel I’ve been trying for my treatment resistant symptoms of bipolar disorder & depression has officially been tolerated by my system for an entire week! Considering the fact that my body doesn’t want to tolerate medications at all most of the time (not even nasal spray) I’m feeling really encouraged. Whether it will work or not is a different story, but having gotten past this first week’s hurdle of not having any mind-blowingly horrific side effects is huge considering how few medications make it this far for me!



One response to “Tapped Out

  1. I need one of those ‘anti-social suction suits’! I totally understand what socializing does to you. I feel like I am losing blood when I socialize. Oh at first it’s nice and I enjoy people and say to myself ‘look at me, I am just like everyone else’. But then it creeps over me, the exhaustion, the weakness, the wanting to be anywhere but with people.
    I avoid as much socializing as I can without totally insulting people. As it is we have 5 children and 6 grandchildren, so just special seasonal things and birthdays can keep me busy. I have passed off hosting all of the family events to our children, that helps.
    I can also identify with your resistance to most medication. I also tried the thyroid thing but without success. Hope it works out for you.
    I guess the one thing I have learned about meds is to give them a fair chance to work, unless the side-effects are intolerable.
    It took me a year to reach a ‘therapeutic dose’ of lamictal. The side effects, a headache, would come at first with each increase but if I persevered the headache would ease. So I increased teeny amounts at a time and a long time between increases. Frankly it only makes a small difference, but it is better than nothing.
    Just found your blog. I like it!

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