The word of the week is apathy!
Apathy – indifference, lack of interest, enthusiasm, or concern
I’ve had a lot of names for apathy over the years (pointlessness, uncaring, disinterest, etc.) but this week apathy seemed like the perfect word to sink my teeth into.
For me, apathy has generally been a red flag for depression… but sometimes I have used the sort of “indifferent” element of my attitude to appear accommodating or like I am doing better (I’m totally casual guys!) than I actually am. On a positive note, apathy has also allowed me to move through an emotionally difficult situation with minor reaction (on my end) from time to time, which has felt like a relief every once in a while (since I am much more prone to over-thinking and over-feeling).
Though it can be helpful on occasion, apathy is much more likely to cause problems for me. My boyfriend doesn’t like when I don’t have an opinion on anything or when I don’t particularly feel like doing anything (neither do I for that matter). Most of my projects or activities fall to the wayside and I feel kind of stuck, like there is an invisible wall keeping me from wanting to proceed. When people ask me to pick between (A) or (B) I find myself waiting for any kind of emotion or indication of which one I want, which one is better… but it never comes.
When I am feeling a lot of apathy I have a hard time trusting my decisions because I lose most of the criteria I would normally use to make a decision. It becomes easy for me to eat a whole bag of candy, or drink a lot, or sleep all day because I don’t feel any potential consequence. I only feel… like I don’t care.
For now I will say that even though apathy lent itself to having pancakes for dinner this week, I’ll be happy when it moves on.