Goodbye Summer, Hello Relief!

As a child, summer was always a time to celebrate. After all, there was no school, no homework, and (if I was lucky) no real responsibility in sight. Unfortunately as an adult, my feelings about summer have changed dramatically.

The funny thing is, I know that in winter I’m complaining about Seattle winter. Dark days, the constant drizzle, and experiencing days, weeks, and even months sometimes without seeing that big yellow orb in the sky.

But now, as an adult, I am finding summer to be equally as challenging. While I admit it feels quite odd to feel so depressed when the sun is shining, the issue I have is with temperature.

Living in a cold corner of the country, we get excited when things warm up at the beginning of summer to about 65 degrees. By 70-75 degrees, people are sporting bikinis. The typical home in the Pacific Northwest however has not been built for true heat, so when things start getting into the 80’s and even the not-so-lucky 90’s there is a distinct lack of air conditioning that makes these temperatures more livable in other parts of America.

With that in mind, that is part of the reason I have been somewhat absent in the blogosphere through the middle part of this week. In addition to the knuckle-dragging depression I’ve been having, my medications (which seem to constantly warn me not to get “too hot”) make it even more difficult for me to cool down. Once I get warm, I can’t seem to cool off again very easily.

In the end, there is only so much time I can spend in a cold shower, or hanging out in an air conditioned grocery store before people start getting concerned. Even with windows opened strategically and every fan we own pointed right at me I was still averaging a body temperature of 100-101 degrees, and while the internet seemed happy to suggest I “sip a cool drink” I really wasn’t kidding anyone… the heat this week left me miserable.

Usually I can tolerate a pretty significant amount of misery before becoming agitated, but after three nights of waking up every thirty minutes due to the heat I was overjoyed to see some big, grey, poofy clouds this morning. I’m hoping a little cool air can help with my irritability and give me a chance to take a nap because frankly… I’m exhausted and I am well approaching the snapping point. I can’t really imagine how this lack of sleep has not triggered mania this week, maybe that is a sign of the tight grip depression has on me at this point? I don’t know.

I know in four or five months I’ll be eating my own words and I will be desperate for a little sunshine, but at this point, at the close of summer, I feel happy to hand over the keys of summer in exchange for the cold, grey, relatively stable weather of the rainy season.

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9 responses to “Goodbye Summer, Hello Relief!

  1. Hooray for gray! At least for now…….

  2. I always vastly prefer being cold to being too warm, and yeah — summers tend to make me depressed. Hope the clouds bring a bit of succor. 🙂

  3. Thanks for your post. You are not alone with the heat. I live in South Africa where summer temps are in the late 30 to early 40 degree Celsius. I don’t have aircon at home and it cooks in my flat. Just doing everyday tasks is exhausting and sweaty and thirsty. I HATE summer. Do you think its a Lithium thing, or a thyroid thing?

  4. Just Plain Ol' Vic

    I feel your pain about the heat. I live in Florida, so the last few weeks the heat index has been over 100! I am pretty “summer proofed” but sheesh…that is even extreme for me.

    Cannot wait for winter where our temps will hover around an absolutely frigid 60’s!

    😉

  5. I can’t stand the heat, either. Enjoy the respite of cloud cover. May some 60ish degree weather come your way. Cooler at night. Rain only if you want it. If only I had the power to make it so.

  6. I’ve lived in the Pacific NW and I actually miss the weather there. It seems more in tune with my mood most of the time. I like being able to walk around keeping warm and cozy with a mug of coffee all day. . I admit at times I need a break from the cloud cover and constant drizzle, but it’s better than Texas, where I live now. Summers are unbearable and fall and the beginning of winter are ridiculously bright and shiny.

  7. I admire your ability to write (and eloquently) while in the throes of depression. I wonder if you’ve taught yourself how to do this, somehow, or if writing is the rope by which you remain tethered to your community, or if I am just reading way too much into this.

    • Thank you, that is nice to hear. Especially today when I am really struggling to write something!

      In a way, I suppose I could also say that by forcing myself to write while depressed I feel like it keeps me from slipping away down the river of depression under the radar. By reaching out (even when I really don’t feel like it) I am either more likely to catch myself or someone else might speak up when I am reaching a crisis point. It helps keep me aware of how I’m doing, and when I catch myself writing about how much I don’t want to go to my therapy appointment it usually means I really need to go to my therapy appointment!

      Also I have many friends and family members who read this blog, so updating it while depressed is much easier than having, say, 10 different identical phone conversations about how I am doing when I feel like isolating myself.

      Thanks!

      • This sounds sensible and suuuper easier said than done. Which probably means it is a good idea that I should try to put into practice. I don’t feel at all like I will do this, but I’ll say “I will do this” and try faking my way in.

        So, thanks again.

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