Feeling Ill to Feel Better

The last few days I’ve had the stomach flu. Not exactly a fun time, but as I sprawled out on the couch for hours at a time watching DS9 I realized that I felt remarkably upbeat (for someone who felt like crud).

Normally I have trouble with illnesses like the flu triggering bipolar symptoms, so the fact that this particular flu seemed to be alleviating the intense depression I’ve been feeling for over a month was baffling.

This flu was really in the vein that if I sat still (or was laying down) for any lengthy period of time, I actually felt quite good. Relaxed, tired, and in a little bit of a haze. It wasn’t until I tried to get up and do anything that I was struck with intense dizziness, nausea, and the contents of my stomach trying to escape my body.

By yesterday I had the drill down. I curled up on the couch for hours, and though I was a little sad about the sunshine outside (that I couldn’t manage to take advantage of) my mind felt surprisingly… upbeat.

One day of feeling alright for three quarters of the day shouldn’t be a big deal, but after the last two weeks were constantly kicking me while I was down and the month before that of suicidal ideation, yesterday felt like a miracle.

If being ill acted as a distraction for just long enough to make me feel better mentally and that was what it took to give me one day of relief, then by all means bring on the stomach flu more often.

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4 responses to “Feeling Ill to Feel Better

  1. I love the layout of your blog! What a great front page. You’re also a great blogger. I’ve written some posts on mental health you may find helpful, I’ve tried to find the positive spin, feel free to check it out.

    Hope the flu is all gone!

  2. Funny how our minds work sometimes… isn’t it? I have to agree in that if physically illness brings some mental clarity, then bring it!

    Stay strong, and hope that flu goes away soon, and leaves you with some days or weeks of clarity and cheerfulness. You’re not alone.

  3. Its baffling how bipolar affects us. It will never make sense to me. Just when I think I have my illness figured out, boom. Something different triggers me that never used to before, Or a usual trigger suddenly means nothing. Mental illness. Gotta love it.
    Not.

  4. I’m glad to hear that you are feeling a bit better mentally! Hopefully Spring will help a bit too. I’m hypo-manic right now so I’m up all night and haven’t had anything to eat in 24 hours but my doc had doubled my mood stabilizer. They just can’t seem to peel me off the walls which is probably a bit of a blessing compared to being down but I do tend to get myself into trouble.

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