I’ve been sick the last couple weeks (flu), but I am finally starting to do better.
The hardest part about being physically ill (for me) is that it can also trigger bipolar symptoms.
I had one very lovely night that I spent mostly hysterical with psychosis after running a low fever most of the day. At the time I didn’t know if I could take a second antipsychotic (I usually take Risperidone) with the new medication (Latuda) I’ve been taking, so the whole night was a frantic mess. The next day I contacted my doctor (who said I could double up) but the psychosis hasn’t been an issue since (thankfully).
By some miracle, my anxiety wasn’t all that bad about spending time with relatives for the holiday. In fact, the biggest issue this year was listening to the radio in the car on the way to their houses. The first of my two rounds of holiday travel I spent with the radio on (only to drown out the negative thoughts cropping up) but the plan backfired when the station played four or five depressing songs in a row and I wound up having a panic attack and crying uncontrollably on the way home.
As I said, being sick really makes me much more susceptible to things triggering my bipolar symptoms, so I combatted this on the second trip by listening to The Essential Clash (one of my favorite compilations) which proved to keep the whole experience incident-free.
Now, on the precipice of the new year I have been thinking about 2013, and the fact that I spent this entire year unemployed, waiting for my SSDI hearing. It seems weird to think about, since this year went by so quickly. I’m hoping 2014 turns out to be somewhat lucky, in that respect.
Ah the Latuda. The Latuda, the Latuda. Is it working? Well it isn’t stopping the mood swings. The racing negative thoughts have been getting worse the last few days, but I haven’t had any suicidal ideation (just nightmares) so maybe that’s an improvement? Really all I can do is wait and see, so… we’ll see.