So I’ve been somewhat m.i.a. after hurting my back late last week. I’ve only ever hurt my back once before (trying to pick up a five gallon glass carboy full of fermenting homebrew wine a year or two ago) and that time I immediately knew the error of my ways.
This time all I was doing was washing my hair and all hell broke loose. The funny thing was that I began having spasms on one side of my back, but they stopped after a few minutes. Then, hours later, they began again on the other side, twice as intense.
Thursday began a dance of two steps forward, one step back… lying in weird positions, surrounding myself with pillows, hot packs, cold packs, and eating a lot of cookies.
This might not have been such a big deal, but Corey was working on a film competition so he wasn’t home.
Out of all of this, the pain was pretty bad. Not being able to sleep was even worse, but what scared me the most was what effect this situation might have on my mood.
Up to the point of wrenching my back, I had been experiencing some pretty significant depression with massive negative thoughts and urges. By some miraculous twist of fate, the first two or three days my back was out of whack my mood was… well, fine. Even being alone didn’t seem like a big deal, which was unusual for me.
Then, Saturday night happened. I had barely slept in days, and beyond my pain and exhaustion crept an increasingly intense feeling of paranoia. By the time I was able to get into bed (a generally safe feeling place) I was met with audible hallucinations.
I admit, I was expecting some sort of rebound depression from the pain I was in the and from the sleep I wasn’t getting, but I wasn’t exactly expecting full-on psychosis.
My back is doing quite a bit better (though sitting in this chair typing is a bit uncomfortable) and my mood has switched back to an alternating I’m fine / now I’m desperate and crying on the bus pattern. Laughing one minute, crying the next.
This week I’m meeting with my psychiatrist, so I’ll keep you posted on what happens (though I’m pretty certain of what course of action I want to take at this point).