The last three days has seen a resurgence of bipolar symptoms, and after the month or two I had of stability it hasn’t exactly been welcome.
I’ve been having mood swings, growing increasingly by severity and frequency.
One minute I’ll be laughing, singing, and jumping up and down, and then literally the next minute I’ll be crying, ready to throw in the towel at whatever I was doing moments earlier.
Yesterday I combatted this with a really good bowl of pho and a long walk through the socked in streets of Seattle, but I was blessed with three more big mood swings after that so it was really only a momentary band aid.
I’m not really sure where this is coming from. I was sick last week, but have felt relatively fine the few days leading up to when these mood swings began… could these swings be a delayed reaction from sickness?
I also normally have more issues with mania in October than depression, but the more I think about it, the more these big swings seem to be on the verge of being mixed in nature.
All I can do at this point is wait and see what happens. The little green notebook I take notes in regarding my mood was a big scribbled mess after 4 incidences of my mood jerking me around yesterday.
The last few months have been so easy. The difference between living when I hate my life (in depression) and when I’m actually enjoying myself (not depression) is really extraordinary. I don’t feel ready to give that up, and it is frustrating to think that I might soon once again be in a place where I am working hard every day just to survive.