Though there have been some small speed bumps in my mood the last two weeks, I would have to say the most prominent thing I’ve noticed is that my attention span has become extremely short.
I’ve had this show up in the past in the form of not being able to finish a movie, or skipping from one project to the next very quickly… but something about this time around has been different.
I had some people over to carve pumpkins a week ago and it was something I was really excited about. As I sat down to carve my pumpkin, I decided to etch some designs in the skin. By the time I got halfway down the pumpkin, I felt exhausted, bored, and unable to finish.
Everyone else went on to continue carving for an hour or more on their pumpkins after I stopped.
The situation happened again this weekend at the corn maze. Frankly, I’ve been nagging Corey for the last four years about going to a corn maze, so I was extremely excited that we were finally going. But then, what’s this? By the time we were halfway through, I actually felt a little upset that the maze wasn’t over yet. The rest became a struggle of exhaustion, confusion, and frustration.
Don’t get me wrong, I had a good time in both of these situations, I was just extremely taken aback by my extremely short attention span.
I admit, I have been doing something more akin to existing lately rather than living with a purpose. Not working has me floating, trying the make the most of each day as it comes on. Is this what comes from not focusing myself on any one thing? The inability to focus myself when I actually want to?
Maybe I’m out of practice?
I can’t help but wonder if this is related to bipolar disorder or if it has blossomed out of something else. Is this something I’ve created, or is this merely a symptom of a passing phase?