I’ve missed out on a couple of posts now, but only because the unmotivated depression of the week before last really blossomed into a wildly uncomfortable week of hopeless depression last week.
The best I could do was to glue myself to the television in an attempt to curb the myriad of obsessive negative thoughts, so I really missed out on writing what I was planning on writing last week.
Unfortunately things are still emotionally on the sketchy side, so hopefully by the end of the week I’ll be able to write something of value. Until then, thanks for hanging in there.
Last week was a week of depression, but a different kind than what I am used to.
There was no desperation or hopelessness, simply an unfiltered barrage of unmotivation. Making decisions felt like a nightmare, and more than once I found myself sitting staring blanking into space for the better part of an hour before I realized I was doing little more than swimming in the pool of thoughts living in my own brain.
Feeling like I can’t do anything is frustrating. I attempted to force myself into a number of different tasks (drawing, mood charting, cleaning, etc.) only to feel overwhelmingly compelled to stop whatever I was doing and focus on nothing.
Needless to say, I watched a lot more tv last week than I normally do. I know this feeling is temporary, so I allowed my brain a little mini vacation, filled with Mythbusters and scrambled eggs.
In my mood charting I call this phenomenon a “lack of motivation” but it can sometimes feel like something is stopping me from doing what I want to do, rather than failing at tasks from being unmotivated.
What is this elusive something that keeps me from performing? I’ve seen it in several different scenarios now but I still can’t quite put my finger on it. Maybe that one needs to go on the list of potential topics for my therapist.
With things burning out so quickly with the Geodon I’ve been working on updating my medication list.
This list is primarily listing all of the medications I’ve taken and what side effects I’ve had/why I’ve stopped taking them.
Keeping a list like this has been incredibly helpful for a number of reasons.
First off, any time I want to see a doctor who doesn’t know my immediate psychiatric history I can bring the list to help them get an idea of what I’ve already tried.
Next it helps when my own memory farts out and I can’t quite recall why I didn’t keep taking drug X, looking at the list can remind me very quickly and easily why trying that medication again would be a bad idea.
Finally, the most useful situation I’ve found for this list is when I was hospitalized and I knew I wouldn’t be able to remember all of the medications I’ve tried, etc. I simply brought the list with me to the hospital, and made things easier on myself, the nurses, and the doctors there.
The real tricky part of a list like this is remembering to update it as soon after switching medications as possible, and keeping it updated regularly. I find it is best to work on it in periods of feeling well, but I realize sometimes that isn’t an option.
I really try to be as organized as possible about my psychiatric care because I don’t want to try the same step twice. It is important to me that my medication search is as objective as possible, and tools like the medication list have helped me along the way.
In a recent study founded by the National Institutes of Health, researchers found that women who become infected with the flu during pregnancy are four times more likely to have a child with bipolar disorder.
Researchers believe there is a link between this finding and the fact that several studies on schizophrenia have had the same outcome.
The article goes on to warn pregnant women to take precautions against getting the flu during pregnancy by getting a flu shot, and avoiding contact with people infected with the flu as much as possible.
You can find more details in the original article here.