The Precipice of Mania

Increasing the Geodon I’m taking meant an increase of hypomania for about a ten day period. As soon as that is over, though, I’m dumped into a pile of depression.

Well the Geodon is powerful. I increased again in the middle of that yucky depression and it shot me up to the precipice of mania.

First I was having days with both hypomania and depression. A real roller coaster, to be sure.

But by day three (Wednesday) the depression dissipated into the verge of a full-on manic state.

I say verge because despite having the manic feelings, I was still able to keep my wits about me somewhat (although I did find myself lip synching to Queen’s Don’t Stop Me Now on the bus in front of everyone with very little trouble). I didn’t spend any money or stomp on anyone’s feelings, I merely existed in this state.

The type of mania I had was what I refer to as etherial mania. My mind and body begin drifting apart, seemingly experiencing their own versions of reality independent of one another. As I said, I didn’t lose total control, so there was something of a tether still connecting the mind and body, but impulses sent from the mind to the body seemed to take a lot longer to carry out (and were more robotic feeling than anything else).

My favorite thing about this state is that since the mind and body are somewhat disconnected, I don’t feel pain or hunger or exhaustion.

This time around I didn’t blurt out anything absurd (though I did blurt out “macaroni and cheese” at one point but it was well received) but there was definitely a road block in the thinking clearly department. When asked in my small class to work on a chart on our own I couldn’t understand what we were doing so I sat quietly instead.

Something odd I also noticed was that I didn’t seem to need to blink as much. I can’t quite imagine if that would make me look a bit creepier than usual or what, but it was something I took note of at the time.

It is important to me to really reflect on periods like Wednesday’s precipice so I can get an idea of what states are really harmful and which are just odd to experience.

I think overall this state was relatively harmless, but I know when it escalates into full mania and that mind/body detachment becomes more intense, or when my words and thoughts no longer match up with one another, those can be real issues.

To be honest, I probably shouldn’t have even left the house because I didn’t know if things were going to escalate, but I was heading to a peer recovery class about mental illness so I felt pretty certain they wouldn’t be offended if I stopped making sense.

It seems like the more Geodon I take, the less hypomania and mania I experience on my own (except when triggered by the Geodon itself). I don’t know for sure if that is the case, but I’m in the midst of reviewing my mood charts to feel out that hypothesis.

8 responses to “The Precipice of Mania

  1. Geodon is my main mood stabilizer, but it doesn’t work for everyone. Make sure you figure out what works for you and keeps you stable. God bless!

  2. When the pdoc put me on Geodon over eight years ago, he told me it was meant to decrease manic episodes. I don’t remember getting manic from it, but I do know it was a whole lot worse before it got better. Geodon is now a mainstay in my pharmaceutical cocktail. I hope you find it works well for you.

  3. so I’m new to blogging on wordpress, like really new, as in I started writing a couple days ago, but i came across your blog in a search for similar blogs (hello search: bipolar!) however i do know that geodon was developed initially and marketed in the late 1990s for schizophrenia, but the FDA in 2003 approved it for use in bipolar. however, it doesn’t have a very high success rate for the reduction of mania and has proved to actually increase rapid cycling. I’m sure you’ve been on other stabilizers, but if your have a dual diagnosis, or are on any antidepressants, there could be an interaction your psychiatrist’s little iPhone application that they use and carry around might not be telling them. shit like this happens all the time, unfortunately.

    i take lithium, but i need an ssri, which is complicated because lithium can interact and cause mania and/or a prolonged manic episode. I’m also dually diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder in addition to having chronic medical conditions. Talk about complications, right?

    i apologize for the length and if i have crossed a line. i just worry about folks on geodon.

    I’m not trying to intrude. I’m just looking for like minded folks because blogging about my recent break has been cathartic, can also feel like being alone in a large crowd. Know what I mean?

    • Thanks for the info. I can’t take any kind of antidepressants because of triggering mania and mixed episodes for me. I’m really working on looking at my mood charting to see if the Geodon is helping or not, but I am a little behind so I need to catch up in my notebook to be able to see the last few months.

      I have generalized anxiety disorder as well, but I am not taking any medication for it right now (fun fun). Thanks for the input, and you are always welcome to comment around here!

  4. I’m glad I didn’t come across as a know it all. I”m writing more – i think I’m up to a total of 6 posts now! (sardonic smile) and you are also welcome to comment on mine as well. I hope you don’t mind that I added your blog to my reader as I follow you.

  5. Pingback: What Causes Bipolar Disorder

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