Hypomania Hills

Day four of my Geodon increase from 60 to 80 mg. Up until today, things were pretty lackluster apart from a wicked stomach ache that came a half an hour after taking the dose.

And then… today…

exactly what I was expecting.

During both increases from 20 to 40 mg and from 40 to 60 mg I had about a ten day period of hypomania with manic spikes. I planned this dosage increase around all of my other plans (being away from home mostly) over a weekend where I have no plans and also have a laundry list of projects with due dates fast approaching.

It is the perfect time for a hypomanic week, and after it kicked in today I haven’t been disappointed. Some of the things I did today include;

  • Finishing a weaving project I’ve  been trying to finish for 6 months
  • Finishing the machine sewing portion on another project
  • Loading, running, and unloading the dishwasher
  • Cleaning the entire kitchen
  • Doing a load of laundry
  • Putting money on the laundry card (something I never do)
  • Playing fetch with Luna
  • Cleaning up some of the camping gear
  • Watering the plants
  • Refilling the dog food bin
  • And so on.

This is more than I have been averaging doing in a week, and any downtime today has been spent primarily pacing around, trying to decide what I should focus my intense focus beam on next.

The question that seems to be stuck on repeat in my head is:

why can’t I feel this good all the time?

I don’t think I’ve felt much elevation outside of these periods of increasing the Geodon, which could mean it is “working”. The problem is that since my mania usually shows itself as a mixed state, getting rid of the hypomania and straight up mania don’t seem to be having much effect on my overall quality of life. And, I must add, I don’t feel particularly keen on getting rid of the hypomania on its own, but I consider it something I will probably have to part with in order to get rid of its bipolar counterparts.

If I had to forego feeling totally elated in exchange for never feeling depression again, I would make the trade. Unfortunately, there is no little, red, hand-wringing demon that appears when I express wanting to make this bargain so I think I am probably out of luck.

Still, I can be thankful for a little taste of hypomania. There are eight projects left on my list, and I intend to use it to my full advantage!

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