So On And So Forth

I thought I would take a minute to let you know that I had my endoscopic procedure. The doctor’s didn’t find anything, which is good (though slightly frustrating since I am still in quite a bit of pain).

This is depression, day 11.

What that means for me is the combination of a total sapping of motivation, a permanent frown I can’t shake off, feeling like I might cry at any second, and small flurries of hopelessness.

Actually, this is considerably better than many depressive episodes I’ve had before, so lets focus on that. No long crying spells so far, no stomping off into the bedroom, and at this point I haven’t had any suicidality. Considering, I would say that this a pretty mild episode so far, and I’m hoping that if it lasts, it at least stays that way.

I have been trying like crazy (for something like three weeks) to see my therapist. The last minute endoscopy cancelled my latest appointment, and each time I try to make a new one we have to go at least a week out. I had been going every other week, but next week (when I do see her) I am considering just locking down a time and having her block it out so nobody else can take it. Ever. It’ll be her permanent Sarah slot. Yes.

I also wanted to mention that Monday I am seeing my psychiatrist again (I practically feel like I’ve been seeing him more than my therapist but I’ll take what I can get). After the recent psychotic episode I had I’ve decided to go ahead and increase the Geodon, despite knowing it will not be fun (due to side effects) for at least a few weeks. I also wont bore you with the details, but since I am receiving the Geodon from the manufacturer for free there are several hoops I have to jump through before I can increase my dosage so I wont be able to walk about of the Psych office and increase immediately.

I’m going out of town to Eastern Washington this weekend and I am hopeful the trip doesn’t end the way my last weekend trip did (with psychosis). I will have good company and some interesting things to see out the window, which helps, but my luggage will primarily contain half a dozen bottles of whatever medications are in my bathroom right now (including the emergency antipsychotics) just in case. It makes my bags considerably more rattly, but I might be able to use that to my advantage since we’ll be heading into family baby territory.

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