I just wanted to write a quick post to apologize, I have been having a very difficult time this week writing and/or responding to comments, so I appreciate your patience.
I’ve been having mood swings that come out of left field and knock me over the head before evaporating, and then showing up and doing it all over again. It is like some kind of drive-by mood swing, something that is suddenly a problem and then just as suddenly not.
I have often wondered if this is better or worse than a true “episode” (one that lasts several days without abating). I’m sure there are a lot of people that would say it is better to have six mini mood swings in a day than spending the entire day depressed or manic, but I can’t help but feel like there is an element to these rapid swings that involves adjustment that makes it much more difficult to cope than you’d expect. Constantly having to adjust to a new set of moods is just as exhausting (and probably more confusing) than having to adjust to a big mood once and wait there. Not to mention, these mini swings may be shorter in duration, but they are still severe in nature, and can happen any time without warning.
A day or two ago I had something like five mood swings in an hour and a half period. The occurrences felt totally separate, and each time I would feel fine for a few minutes and begin adjusting back to my daily routine when I would spiral down again into an agitated, crying mess.
It happened again yesterday, appearing to be triggered by the music in my therapist’s waiting room. I was so agitated I spent the first half of my session walking around outside trying to calm down.
When I told my psychiatrist about this new trend earlier this week he seemed pleased, but I can’t say that this feels particularly like an improvement to me. Any time spent not feeling good seems like trouble to me just the same. Inevitably, I guess I have to take what I can get, hopefully next week I can be more attentive to the blog.