First Day of Spring

Another winter over without a hospitalization. I consider this something of a feat, when compared to some of my winters of the past. Spring is usually a little rough for me as well, but things are relatively ok right now… which gives me hope.

It is a little funny to me though, no matter how good I’m feeling or how smoothly things seem to be going, there is always this moment that is something like waking up, where I realize my mood actually has been influenced over the last x amount of days or weeks.

Today with my battle cry of making it through winter I opened up my mood charting book. It has developed a layer of dust on top, and as I flipped through the pages my  heart sank.

I am really quite behind.

I haven’t put anything in there since January, and despite my feelings of success about making it through winter in one piece, I still was extremely disappointed with the fact that I wasn’t able to stay on top of things.

There is something sinister about the feeling of being behind, the overwhelming aura that whatever project it is emits leaves me feeling so disappointed in myself. Just noticing that I am behind is enough to wreck my mood entirely.

In this moment of waking up, I realized that I needed to take what little victory I could. I have made it this far, which is something to be grateful of.

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