So things have been a little rough, and I’ve been losing track of time because Corey has been out of town.
I think I’ve finally nailed down the problem with this situation, and that is that I immediately feel very depressed and desperate within 24 hours of being alone. Something about him leaving (even though I know he is coming back) hurtles me into a place of depression.
What is even more confusing is that the last two days or so I’ve shot right up into hypomania, feeling pretty much the exact opposite of desperate and depressed. Confident, motivated, and energetic. Over the last few days I’ve walked something like 10 miles, a feat considering only days prior I was curled up in the fetal position rolling around in mental agony.
For me, hypomania is not the most common occurrence… at least not anymore. When I was in school is was the reigning mood state, now things only switch over if I am rather lucky.
I say “lucky” very loosely here, because as nice as it has been to be banging out projects very quickly and feeling inclined to exercise nonstop, I also can’t sleep -and no amount of ambien last night was going to convince me otherwise.
Out of all of this I find myself wondering, why now?
I guess I am near the crest of the loop, could that be why? I also had that uncomfortable depression earlier this week, did I pull a switch? (Switching, for those that aren’t familiar, is going from one mood state into the opposite suddenly, without any time in-between.)
It is certainly true that hypomania is the last thing I expected while Corey is out of town, I wouldn’t be surprised if the reason for it lies somewhere outside my own understanding.
In any case, I will probably continue to text every person in my phone book, walk over the bridge to the next neighborhood over and back again, and continue spreading sewing projects across my living room floor until hypomania fades, leaving me wondering where all that energy and vitality has gone to.