So this is the first job I’ve had in a while that is full time, but I’ve quickly fallen back into my old ways. Harassed by insensitive co-worker until I reach a deep state of depression and a high level of anxiety before snapping, and then crying, overwhelmed, to a stone-faced HR representative who is eagerly taking notes.
It feels a little bit like re-living the past, though I am hoping I can change some element of how this goes down before I quit in a final fit of desperation. Or, at least, that is always what seems to have happened before.
This is my one year anniversary of starting this blog, and I’ve been thinking about what to say about that for about a week now. I’ve considered all of the things I’ve learned about myself, and things I have improved, and people who I’ve been able to reach out to. All of that almost seems a little ironic when paired up with this current work scenario, facing something that has seemed almost unpreventable for the last several years -yet again, and finding myself in the same situation.
I’m sure it is my depressed state that is telling me that I obviously haven’t learned enough, or that what I learned wasn’t particularly useful or I wouldn’t be doing this again. But… I don’t think that is true. These guys have a way with telling lies…
In any case, I am going to be comforting myself today with the notion that I have learned a lot, and I’m sure that I wouldn’t be going through the same situation again if there was something there I didn’t learn from it the first time. Or the second, or whatever. This could be a stepping stone to a revelation, after all, who knows.
So, thanks blog. And thanks readers. I’m hoping for something of a tradeoff today, where you give me a little bit of hope, and not the other way around.