This week at work was much easier. In fact, I’d call it much, much easier as hypomanic energy filled my veins and running up and down the stairs became comforting and hilarious instead of tedious.
That said, Tuesday was a bit of a scare for me though because the age old question:
I wonder what would happen if I am manic at work?
was quickly answered.
As I watched (less in horror and more in absurd humor) as my mood shot through the roof, I began tipping the scales from quirky and energetic to just flat out odd. Of course, I thought I was being hilarious, but (survey says) that may have just been a lovely cloak of delusional grandiosity resting on my shoulders.
I am very lucky that I wasn’t in one of those irritable, or paranoid places (especially since there is a lot of whispering in the world of cubicles), and that is something I am really going to have to watch falling into (and trying to either curb or remove myself from work when it eventually happens). It was more one of the goofy, odd manias that leave me unable to verbally communicate well. I think of something to say (clever or otherwise) and when I open my mouth, the words that come out are not even in the same realm as what I was trying to convey.
“STARSHIP LOG!” is one of those odd things I shouted in a meeting, giggling to myself at first about how hilarious my intended statement was going to be, and then giggling after because what actually came out for some reason was “starship log”. Too much Star Trek lately? Probably.
Writing never seems as effected by this, so I stuck with emails and instant messaging. What else can one do when the words coming out of their mouth don’t match the words coming out of their brain?
Overall, I think I made it through the week without offending anyone in particular, and at my mid-year review (which was only actually a three week review for me) I was heralded as someone who does good work. That is all I can ask for at this point.
I have been interviewing potential new therapists (or, well, one so far) and she asked me the next day (after my manic blip Tuesday) what could have caused it. Stress? Caffeine? Sleep? Anxiety? She went through a long laundry list and I flat-out told her no to each that she listed. I track all of those things, and that gives me the best chance of maintaining them and keeping those triggers from going all askew. I genuinely believe this was just one of those waves, one of the directions my mood takes on its own, when all I am left to do is ride whatever wave it is -white knuckled, until it subsides.