Daily Archives: July 10, 2012

There When You Need It

My moods have been fairly stable over the weekend and at the beginning of this week, which is nice. I am certain the sunshine (which is only seen in Seattle for 3 months out of the year) isn’t exactly hurting!

Saturday morning the walls began to close in on me a little bit and I narrowly escaped both the apartment and an agitated state by getting outdoors and walking around the neighborhood. My energy level, which was seemingly normal, acted as almost a bottomless cup and it quickly became apparent that there might be some hypomanic energy below the surface.

Cut to Sunday, I went out hiking and my friends and I did ten milesTen miles! Something about that seems absurd to me, when I think about how much I’ve been sitting around on the couch lately.

Even more absurd, I must have tapped into that hypomanic energy that I tapped into on Saturday. I had one or two energy drains early on in the day (7 am and again around 9 am) but once I actually got hiking, the energy maintained an easy pace for 10 miles. And actually, beyond that because I went swimming after.

In fact, the soles of my feet were the only thing telling me to stop, but with the energy I had I could have gone on walking until they were worn down into nubs.

Was this energy there because of the sunshine? Being in the fresh air outdoors? Did I start some kind of motor that, once running, wasn’t easily willing to stop?

Or was the energy I found completely independent of all that and just happened to be there through the roll of the dice?

I don’t know about you, but for me that good hypomanic energy never seems to be there when I want itand I have no real way to predict when it will be present. Even this weekend, I didn’t feel any other symptoms of hypomania, and I didn’t find that energy until I was actively being quite physical and finding it easy.

I find bipolar disorder so interesting when it comes to not getting tired when I ought to or being quite tired for no apparent reason.

Maybe we’re all given the same amount of gasoline but mania tends to pour it on an already burning fire, and that recklessness means a gasoline shortage down the road.