Boy, I have had a massive amount of writer’s block the last few days. My mind has been darting about a million different ways at once, perhaps I’m still ridding myself of the last hints of trileptal and rispiridone that have contributed to my devoid concentration.
I suppose I can pick up where I left off and let you all know that after stopping the trileptal on friday I have had an immediate backpedaling of most of the symptoms I was having issues with. The psychotic blips, the quick shifting agitation and desperation, and the majority of the intense nausea I had been experiencing completely vanished within 24 hours after my last dosage.
Talk about positive reinforcement, the fact that my symptoms went away so quickly is a huge indicator to me that I made the right decision. I can’t imagine how bad things might have gotten if I continued taking it on Friday, Saturday, and Sunday, but it absolutely would have destroyed my camping trip.
I don’t know what kind of plans my doctor has for what to do next, but I don’t see him for two weeks. I will take that “time off” from experimentation with some very open arms, and I am not entirely convinced that I want to jump right in to anything immediately after that appointment either. The last few months have been like a punch in the face (on the medication route), one right after the other with Lithium toxicity, the Lamictal reaction, and now Trileptal. I’m really considering just taking some time to let my body recover from everything before trying to start another round.
As devastating as it sounded to me when that little bird whispered to me that there may not be a medication that will help me, I’ve had time for that statement to sink in. It doesn’t feel as devastating, but I am also not currently experiencing desperation (which can make all the difference in the world).
I am a problem solver, that is what I genuinely enjoy doing. Problems become puzzles, and I love solving puzzles. If I can fix a broken chair with nothing but a paper clip and a rubber band, I can make this work.
If the medication piece of this puzzle doesn’t work, I will just have to find another piece.
It may not be the most mainstream piece, but when have I ever been involved in mainstream anything?
Hmm, this optimism is unexpected (even to me) this morning, I’d better find a way to take advantage of this today!