Daily Archives: May 10, 2012

Reality Check

This week has been a little strange, I saw someone I worked with previously on Wheel of Fortune, and the next day I saw someone I went to school with on the news.

Most people wouldn’t think twice upon seeing people they know on television, but for a minute I felt like I seriously needed to step back and check on myself.

Am I getting delusional?

There are times when psychosis can include beliefs that one is interacting with television or radio, or that this media is talking to or about you, and I’ve always found this notion a little silly up until recently.

I can’t explain exactly what it was like, but there was a time where I briefly felt threatened (on a personal level) by the content of what was playing on my television when I was extremely paranoid during a mixed episode a couple weeks ago. It only lasted a little while, but it was indication enough that I can’t discount these sorts of symptoms (as ridiculous as their occurrence does sound to me).

Thus my concern -are these people I have actually known, or was I being delusional?

I have to admit, I find it slightly comical that this is a concern that enters my mind. I know my therapist (at the very least) would call it responsible and herald my momentary reality check as something I should be very proud of but I honestly can’t help but laugh. It never once occurred to me that this is a situation I would feel wary of at any time over the course of my life up to this point. It is odd to me where life takes us, and despite being subject to a disorder that is often overwhelming and just plain icky feeling, I can’t help but laugh about some of the situations it hands me.

Like wondering if I am psychotic when I know someone on Wheel of Fortune.

The small bites of psychosis I’ve experienced (as, at this point, I’m not sure I’ve experienced psychosis that lasted more than a day… though how I could be entirely sure I don’t know) have seemed to worm their way into what is going on in a very subtle way. It is a little Kurt Vonnegut-ish, like suddenly sliding into an alternate version of reality. At the same time, the situations are so silly in hindsight that it is hard to imagine they ever felt real.

Is my television trying to kill me? Probably not. It is an inanimate object.

Maybe I watch too much science fiction, but I just think of Total Recall as an example where it is almost as if the character is paying for a psychotic episode. Injecting memories and beliefs and delusions into someone’s head so they can experience another life. I just find it curious that someone, even a fictional character, would pay for that. Though, it is a wild experience to have. Isn’t there a drug that does this yet?

The people on the television  were people I knew, and this was later confirmed by another party.

I just thought I’d check, though. I know how mania has a way of sneaking up on me, and every once in a while things begin to slip before I realize anything is off. A very tricky state, for sure, so every once in a while I definitely need a reality check.