Daily Archives: April 16, 2012

Possible Hypomanic Stalagmites?

Big changes in energy are hard to ignore, but they are also important not to ignore either.

For me, changes in energy can be the first signal that a swift mood change is imminent… almost like a barometric pressure change before a storm. For the most part, they always seem to come on suddenly.

I’ve often been walking around, minding my own business when it is as if, in a ten second period, all of the energy is drained from my body. Almost like the drowsiness and fatigue associated with eating Thanksgiving dinner, but with no source I can identify. Likewise, I’ve been in situations where I’m sitting or lying down, and felt like someone has injected me with adrenaline. The rush of energy is so overwhelming I can hardly be still.

Falling asleep hasn’t been a problem for me lately because I have been relying on sleep-aids when I absolutely can’t sleep. The only time there is a problem (when it comes to getting enough sleep), is when I wake up feeling entirely refreshed and energetic (there’s that adrenaline injection!) at 2 or 3 in the morning. Sometimes I can lull myself back to sleep after a few hours, but by 3 am I don’t want to take a sleep aid and wind up sleeping the entire day.

It is just about 9 am right now on a Monday morning… but I’ve been up since 1:30 am.

I didn’t mean to, and this hasn’t happened in a long time. I woke up at 1:30 and by the time I realized what was happening and got up because I was fully awake, it was 3. Too late for sleeping pills.

I’m the sort of person who often has trouble getting back to sleep if I am fully awake (making the prospect of taking a nap a nightmare), so if I wake up in the middle of the night and need to use the bathroom, I generally just squint my eyes really hard, fumble around, and try to keep myself from actually waking up before I jump back into bed. I try to convince myself I’m not awake at all, and usually my body seems happy to take the bait.

This isn’t entirely uncommon for me, and I wouldn’t even say that I am excessively energetic today -just wide awake with a normal energy level. What concerns me, though, is that I went to sleep last night at 8 because I was so exhausted I could barely keep my eyes open after a really stressful week. And going from that deep feeling of exhaustion to a feeling of chipper, normal, alertness after 5 hours is a big jump in a very short amount of time for me. If I felt this way after 10 hours, I would think nothing of it, but normally I am a grouch after 5 hours of sleep.

I am not anticipating a big shift, as I mentioned last week I think things are generally moving downward into depression. Did I somehow manage to side-step the depression and fling myself into hypomania instead? Or could this just be a fluke? Perhaps some kind of stalagmite as I make my way deeper into that depression-cave?

The floors are hardly smooth in the ones I visit.

We’ll see.