This is an unusual morning, I normally know what I want to write about ahead of time (and I did already start writing something) but as it is Friday and I’ve had several people asking me how I’m holding up (now on day 7 of my boyfriend Corey’s absence) so I thought I might do a quick update on that.
I’ve been doing much better than expected, really. I had a bit of a mini-meltdown on Tuesday, but thankfully I scheduled my appointment with my therapist for that day in advance, knowing I’d probably need it. I was right on the money with that guess, and within two hours of tripping into a, “what am I doing?” spiral she fished me back out again, plopped me down, brushed me off, and sent me on my merry way.
The real annoyance has been anxiety. And I find it a little baffling because I haven’t even been having anxious thoughts for the most part, just physical symptoms that come out of nowhere. I’ll be walking down the street and then suddenly it will feel like an elephant is sitting on my chest and I’m gasping to catch my breath. It was really noticable at first, but I think I’ve either reached the point where it has gone away for the most part or I’ve just started ignoring it.
Sleeping has also been a bit of an issue, but I guess not enough to seem to trigger anything big. I can fall asleep just fine, but I wake up so many times over the course of the night that I get up in the morning feeling like I haven’t slept at all. I did use a sleep aid one night this week which worked wonders, but then last night I ordered a beer with my sushi for happy hour without even thinking about it and didn’t want to take a sleep aid after that.
So I’m entering the home stretch here, 3 days to go with two of them being work days.
After my psychiatry appointment and blood draw last week, I received an immediate phone call that my doctor wanted to increase the amount of Lithium I’m taking (the only drug I’m on). Lithium, somehow the complete opposite of every other drug I’ve tried, doesn’t seem to absorb into my bloodstream as quickly as everything else. I think this has something to do with the fact that my side effects with it have been quite mild, but it also means I have to take what seems like an extraordinary amount in order to reach a therapeutic level.
So, Saturday I increased, and I had some uncomfortable nausea for about 24 hours but for the most part since then, just fatigue. I’m going to be heading in for my next blood draw today.
I don’t want to jump to any conclusions, but it is possible this increase has already been having an effect on me. The last 3 days of Corey’s absence will definitely sway my thoughts about that, because if you remember the graph from the last time he was away, the last few days are usually where things get a little haywire.
The fact that I haven’t had any terribly significant episodes up to this point (save the brief downward one and a baby “up” last night) is a rockin’ sign, and I don’t know whether to attribute it to:
a) the increased lithium
b) my own tricks
c) the fact that things have been continuing to level off (but we’ll talk a little more about that in CHART WEEK)
d) or possibly all of the above
I’m hoping that work this weekend will keep me distracted, and seeing a few friends and my sister will help keep me on track.