I experienced something odd earlier this week. I’ve been waiting it out to see if it happens again, but it hasn’t.
Hallucinations are not usually in my repertoire, or, well, I guess they are (based on my latest research about them) just in a different fashion.
I don’t see the things that most people with hallucinations do apparently, because even when I’ve seen faces in the sand or ugly carpet at the movie theatre, they aren’t usually demonic or anything. They aren’t frightening, just odd, and it feels very much like I’m living in a world created by Jim Henson. Door knockers may take on a persona, but they never seem to talk back, so it doesn’t seem to be much of an issue. I’ve attributed this largely to an overactive imagination that constantly wants to take shapes and turn them into other shapes, even though they are (apparently) technically some kind of hallucination.
That said there are very few instances in my life I’ve seen something that absolutely wasn’t there, and when I have I generally have the excuse of having a fever, or that they were caused accidentally by a medication I was taking, or whatever.
Monday was a little bit of a different story though.
I was walking to catch the bus with Corey, and I swear I saw him holding a plastic grocery bag. I thought it was odd (because I couldn’t think of why he’d be bringing a bag to the bus) but when I turned to ask him about it I was mid-sentence before suddenly realizing he had no bag at all. He never did.
So that is weird, I would say, but not life-threatening or, really, much more crazy than what I would normally admit to. Maybe the image I was seeing was one produced solely by my head, not by my eyes, maybe I was confused or some wires got crossed.
Anyway, I probably wouldn’t have thought too much more about it, but something similar happened again later.
One minute I saw him taking off his shirt, then I was distracted by something else and looked away. When my attention returned to him when he sat next to me, he was wearing a shirt.
“Why did you put your shirt back on?” I asked.
“What do you mean?” He replied.
“You took your shirt off,” I said, “why did you put it back on?”
“I didn’t take my shirt off.”
In both situations I could have sworn I saw what I did, and in my head when I replay the memory, it looks just as if I’ve described it.
So like I said, I spent the rest of the week waiting to see if anything else out of the ordinary occurred, but it didn’t.
I suppose if I’m going to be subject to any sort of hallucinations, very bland “oh he’s holding a bag… oh no wait, no bag” hallucinations are the safest, I’m sure. Everything else I’ve read about on the internet involves being visited by various shadows or bugs or people and it all sounds particularly threatening feeling.
But disappearing plastic bags and reappearing shirts are probably the least threatening things I can think of, so really I feel much better already.
What does concern me a little are the implications. Obviously if this is something that begins happening on a regular basis, there might be an immediate issue in need of resolution. As things are currently, I’ll just add it to the “weird shit that happens to me sometimes” list that I’ve been building to show to my next psychiatrist.