Overcompensation

Well, I definitely took things too far the other way.

Normally, when my boyfriend is gone I become a little reclusive, so the last 5 days or so I injected my schedule with all kinds of events and hangouts. The busy-wave crested yesterday, and after I am finished with work today I have nothing planned the next few days.

I am exhausted. I definitely did way too much. I suppose I didn’t initially recognize the hypomania I was in until it dissipated Saturday morning, now I’m left working on damage control. I’m hoping to curb this from becoming depression sometime here right quick.

It’s funny, don’t you think? I know all too well that this happens, and I try my darnedest to keep track of what is happening with my moods to try and curb them. Sometimes, though, I feel like no matter how conscious of things I am, I am still somehow blind to it.

I hate to point a finger, but my suspicion is that it has to do with anxiety. Last year I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder (anxiety being something I’ve struggled with for my entire life), and sometimes it seems like anxiety can distract me just enough to take my focus off of what is happening with my moods -especially if my mood feels “good”, like with hypomania. I don’t always recognize hypomania because even though part of me feels great, there is often another part (the anxiety) which doesn’t. It brings the overall feeling back down a couple notches, so I often just think I feel normal.

Tricky stuff.

In general I am doing alright though, and I am grateful for everyone who has contacted me to check on how things are going, so thank you.

So just a quick update, and after work today I plan on being in my pajamas for a good 24 hours to relax. Hopefully I can convince the dog to let me sleep for a good chunk of time (she’s taking Corey’s absence pretty hard), so I can get on with writing some posts for this week that I’m really excited about!

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4 responses to “Overcompensation

  1. I think I do this practically every time I get hypomanic. Every time I felt a little hypomanic, I’d invite people over for a dinner party. By the time the dinner party date arrived, I would be depressed and having a hard time keeping it together. Fortunately after only a couple rounds of that, I decided to put a moratorium on dinner parties until meds were stabilized! 🙂

    • Good call on the dinner parties! I’m really lucky that my friends are really understanding of my situation, and with many of them we have a rule (we call it that but it is more of an understanding) that if someone doesn’t feel like hanging out, for whatever reason, we don’t take it personally. It can be so hard when you genuinely want to do something, but feel terrible and keep canceling! Women, especially, seem to take it personally or can even believe some kind of manipulation is going on, when it just might be a rough day.

      Anyway, that can be rough! I certainly respect your ability to reach a solution though, that isn’t always easy!

  2. I tend to do the same in the respect of making the same mistakes…even though I know what will follow, I do it non the less…

    “…Some Bipolar patients tends to make the same mistakes and then wonder why the outcome is no different from previous times”…

    But even though you might have overdone it, Cudos to you to have actually done something to make the situation different and break out of the routine of isolation 😀

    I have two dogs and I adore them to bits. Whenever I am out, when I return they behave like I have been gone for centuries…it’s actually cute in a way 😀

    • I definitely have a tendency to do the same things over and over again, so thanks for understanding an appreciating the fact that I made an attempt to break the cycle! Really, I guess I just need more practice in that area. I’m sure at one point I’ll find a good balance.

      Our dog does the same thing, and for a while she’d get so elated when somebody returned home she’d hyperventilate. Definitely the most emotional dog I’ve ever had!

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