Verbal Chinese Finger Traps

I’ve come down a little bit, my manic symptoms seem to have spiked yesterday afternoon. I am still having some trouble, but the beast is transforming.

Now I’m being plagued with one of the manic symptoms I experience sometimes and really dread, when my ability to communicate verbally and understand verbal conversation are compromised.

I seem to be able to read fine, write fine, and listen to most radio or television music/words fine, it just has something to do with the intricacies of communication with people who are verbally communicating directly with me.

Maybe my body language is thrown off, I don’t really know, but at the pharmacy I couldn’t seem to articulate what I wanted to ask about. The young, female pharmacist behind the counter was obviously very frustrated with me, so I kept attempting to straighten out the conversation, to no avail. She tried to explain something to me, but I don’t even understand what that something was about. I got my prescription but none of my questions were answered, and even though I know I wasn’t communicating properly the whole thing left a bad taste in my mouth.

I also took the dog out, and she jumped up excitedly at a little girl (my dog is a Boston Terrier so she is quite small, not threatening in any way). I made Luna calm down, and then when I tried to explain to the little girl that Luna has bad manners, I said, “she’s very mild-mannered,” which is definitely NOT the same thing!

Best to just keep my mouth shut I guess until it passes. It really is like a Chinese finger trap, once the conversation starts I’m trapped it in, and no amount of wiggling or trying to back my way out of it seems to make a difference.

At least this time around I’m aware that it is happening. Last time I was under the impression that I was communicating quite well and everyone around me must just be going crazy, a thought that seemed totally rational while I was feeling manic at the time.

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2 responses to “Verbal Chinese Finger Traps

  1. Ohh I have had that going on the past few days. My husband was going to Walmart to return something today and I asked him if he had the remote to go with it when I meant to say the receipt. Sigh.

  2. Hey, as long as I know what I mean… But that speaks to the heart of your blog to me. Since reading here, I realize that the stigma of mental illness may be less of a problem than people looking at me strange, as if I were on drugs, which of course I am. The strange look makes me even more uncomfortable, act more awkward, and down the spiral I go.

    I’ve started to explain to people that I stumble a little in speaking and have always been very shy, which translates to Social Anxiety, and I find that it gives them an insight, a frame of reference, to be more patient with me. When I sense their compassion, I calm down and things smooth out somewhat.

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