To be completely honest, I didn’t realize I was feeling hypomanic today until writing that last post.
The last few days have been a weird cluster of emotions, and last night I had an outburst.
I would say outbursts are the number one most embarrassing thing that happens to me. I’ve reached the point now where crying really isn’t that big of a deal, and after my emergency room visit that partially involved a massive panic attack, well I don’t think a panic attack could embarrass me much more than what has already gone down.
Thankfully these outbursts don’t happen very often, maybe 3 or 4 times in the last 6 months, but that isn’t much consolation for what usually happens.
Words come out of my mouth, usually words that I am planning on just thinking. The wires get crossed in there or something, and instead I (often) shout something entirely rude and inappropriate. Afterward not only is the person on the receiving end entirely confused, but I am as well. No amount of apologizing seems to be able to diffuse the situation, and in conclusion, I feel like an ass.
Last night all I did was shout one, singular word. “No!” Great, way to feel like a two year old.
I’m meeting with my therapist today, I’m going to ask her about it.