I was in the middle of writing a completely different post about an hour ago when my phone rang.
There is not one thing I can think of that causes me more mental anguish than the American healthcare system.
(Alright, maybe chronic pain.)
I had been scheduled to have a procedure at a local hospital today, nothing directly related to bipolar disorder but related in a sense. It’ll be a last ditch effort to try to stabilize my hormones, something that has been triggering intense mood swings (beyond causing severe, ongoing physical pain).
The procedure itself isn’t a huge deal but I’ve been anxious about it the last two days. Last night I had to take medication in preparation of today’s procedure, always fun considering the medication induced severe cramping and I barely slept at all last night.
I re-arranged my work schedule for this appointment which was incredibly stressful, and a good friend offered to drive me home from the hospital afterward (which had me groveling with thanks last night).
An hour ago I answered the phone, the woman on the other end said the person who scheduled my appointment did it wrong, so there is no way I can have the procedure today.
In the overwhelming amount of frustration I’m feeling, I would be more forgiving if I hadn’t already had a scheduling issue when the same woman who made this appointment had scheduled another on earlier this month.
Are you serious? I wish someone had said something before I had taken the sad, singular cramp pill.
What’s worse is that the only times she offered to reschedule are the week that contains my birthday, thanksgiving, and subsequently black friday (which I will be required to work because I work retail).
Now that I’ve bawled my eyes out for the last hour, none of these issues are what are really sticking with me. The thing that I can’t seem to get past is knowing that I’ve just been sentenced to two more weeks of unbearable pain. I’ve been losing so much iron that I’m slipping into anemia again, and I’m having a really hard time keeping up at work because I’ve been feeling so ill.
I’m also worried because I’ve been snapping at people. Yesterday I snapped at someone I don’t even know, someone who was trying to help me. I’ve been on edge because I’ve been nervous about this appointment today, which leads me to believe I’ll just spend the next two weeks just as nervous. I had a dream last night I snapped at my boss, and it is incredibly important I don’t let that happen.
I almost feel inclined to make my new appointment for the end of the month. At least that way I’d have time to request the time off for recovery and whatnot… but it’d mean another week of pain. I hate these sorts of decisions.