Several Unexpected Wrenches

I’ve been debating writing anything, but I suppose a line or two wont hurt.

I spent today feeling extremely discouraged.

The people I’ve been working with the last couple days have been great, the customers have (surprisingly) been great, but I am already seriously struggling with performing tasks.

Last time I took a job I only made it two weeks before having to leave because I couldn’t do the job anymore.

Today was only my second day of work, my second day but there has been an instant and dramatic effect on my mood. I only worked today for five hours but when I got home I spent three hours crying uncontrollably.

On top of that, I have been experiencing an excruciating amount of physical pain that has been making it almost impossible to focus on completing tasks while on the clock.

How am I already at my wits end when I’ve only worked 10 cumulative hours?

Things have never been this bad, I’ve never felt so awful so soon after starting a job and feeling fine when I began. It leaves me terrified and reluctantly concluding that things are getting worse.

Is my illness getting worse?

Discouraged doesn’t really even begin to describe how I feel right now. With the WA state disability budget cuts I have to work, I have no choice. I need money to live, that is just how the world works. I really wasn’t expecting this, and I don’t feel ready to face what it means for me and my future.

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3 responses to “Several Unexpected Wrenches

  1. Stay strong, thoughts and well wishes headed your way.

  2. I don’t think you’re getting worse. I wrote a post called Somatopsychic. Starting a new job puts a lot of stess on both mind and body. Mind and body put a lot of stress on each other. So, you’re experiencing somatopsychic symptoms.

    Hang in there, it will get easier. Your body and your mind will adjust. And if they don’t in about a month ir so, can it. It’s not worth it.

  3. Honey, take it in small bites. I forget how long it’s been since you’ve worked, but it’s hard. Just don’t get down on yourself because you feel like you should be able to do more, all that does is precipitate the cycle of depression.

    Best to you.

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