Daily Archives: October 21, 2011

Several Unexpected Wrenches

I’ve been debating writing anything, but I suppose a line or two wont hurt.

I spent today feeling extremely discouraged.

The people I’ve been working with the last couple days have been great, the customers have (surprisingly) been great, but I am already seriously struggling with performing tasks.

Last time I took a job I only made it two weeks before having to leave because I couldn’t do the job anymore.

Today was only my second day of work, my second day but there has been an instant and dramatic effect on my mood. I only worked today for five hours but when I got home I spent three hours crying uncontrollably.

On top of that, I have been experiencing an excruciating amount of physical pain that has been making it almost impossible to focus on completing tasks while on the clock.

How am I already at my wits end when I’ve only worked 10 cumulative hours?

Things have never been this bad, I’ve never felt so awful so soon after starting a job and feeling fine when I began. It leaves me terrified and reluctantly concluding that things are getting worse.

Is my illness getting worse?

Discouraged doesn’t really even begin to describe how I feel right now. With the WA state disability budget cuts I have to work, I have no choice. I need money to live, that is just how the world works. I really wasn’t expecting this, and I don’t feel ready to face what it means for me and my future.

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