I have a huge list of things that I want to write about in this blog but it might take me a bit to balance out my work vs. free time now that I’m working. Maybe a little pathetic since I am only working 3 days a week, but with my other commitments I am up and out of the house every single day for the next couple weeks. Personally the prospect sounds a little exausting…
I’m really making an attempt to aknowledge the moments when I’m struggling and the moments when I prevail. Just an exercise in taking a closer look at “where I am” from moment to moment, my therapist said it might help with some of my anxiety issues.
This morning has been a real challenge.
I had been doing my damnedest not to get worked up over my first day of work today, but sometimes I swear the cosmos is conspiring against me. It tends to be those moments where I am just barely holding things together when everything around me starts to take a turn for the ridiculous.
I found out at 8 that I now have an emergency procedure with the radiology department at a local hospital first thing tomorrow morning and that I will have to drink an inordinate amount of water (without using the restroom) before the appointment. I freaked out a little, but I was more worried about having this get scheduled Friday while I’m supposed to be working, so really not a big deal (or so I told myself).
Then I found out that my old decrepit phone had connected to the internet sporadially over the course of the night (as it loves to do sometimes) and AT&T was going to charge me $0.04 for the service. I can handle 4 cents, no problem! But they removed the amount from what I already paid, which means my payment was now 4 cents short of the total balance due.
For this I recieved a text from AT&T that said they would be turning off my phone service if I do not pay the 4 cents.
Went online and, what do you know? I can’t pay them four cents, the minimum amount they’ll let me charge to my card is $15.
More freaking out. I only have $50 to last until I get paid, which will be two weeks at least. I had to take a deep breath and give them the money anyway. I am thinking twice though before signing another contract with AT&T though.
Back to a realistic, managable stress level when I realized I don’t know which building of the hospital my appointment is tomorrow, and if I’m going on a full bladder I want to have a direct route planned out.
I called the hospital, while my phone texts me again. I have 9 minutes of airtime left on my plan.
I frantically told the woman that I had a limited amount of time to talk and that I really just needed to know where the radiology department was located but alas. It wasn’t until 15 minutes later that I got my answer.
So now I’m just laughing, becuase going over on my minutes puts me back at square one with AT&T again! This is just ridiculous, and I have decided that such a hectic morning leaves no room for a stressful afternoon at work. I have already had my daily dose of stress (thanks!), you’ll have to save the rest for tomorrow.
It is 10am but I am feeling calm again, probably a world record for someone who tends to agonize over these sorts of events for hours. I’m certainly having plenty of practice, just let it go. Then, let it go, and let it go some more.
I am lucky that I haven’t seen a noticeable change in my mood over the ever-increasing stress. Stress is a huge trigger for me so I need all the help I can get to work on coping with it.